"I Want to Drink it up and Take it With Me."

The smell of rain-wet grass

My child's uninhibited laughter
Cinnamon, in late September

I love many many things. I am THANKFUL for so many things, and I've just begun to purposefully write them down. I'm a few chapters into Ann Voskamp's beautiful book, 1000 Gifts...and I love it. It wasn't long after I began reading that I felt I needed to make my own list of 1000 blessings, 1000 things I am thankful to my creator for, the creator of ALL things. I was inspired to look at all the little details around me, to write them down and to acknowledge God's love in them. He has done so many things in creation for the sole purpose of our pleasure and enjoyment.

The song of a robin at dawn

The chubby kissable cheeks of a baby

Cool sand under my feet

This discovery of "Eucharisteo" in Ann Voskamp's book, of living with a heart of thanksgiving, for ALL God gives, has led me to discovery in another area of my life. I know I said it before, but, I love many, many things. When I like something I really really like it. Sometimes and for some people this is perfectly ok. For me, well, it gets me into trouble. It's hard almost impossible for me to get enough of something I really like. Coffee. Chocolate. Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk ice cream. I have struggled so much with my tendency to "over indulge" in what I consider to be the "finest things" in life. Ice cream is one of these things, peanut butter, mint chocolate...buttery popcorn. For years I've been trying to figure out the formula to overcome my lack of discipline around these things. What is the healthiest way for me to be? What is the healthiest way to eat? Stay away from red meat? Don't eat wheat? Dairy? Whatever you do (and by you I mean me) never, ever eat SUGAR. No processed foods. No wine. No caffiene. No ice cream. Never.

I've tried everything. The definition of insanity is, repeating the same action and expecting a different result. I just can never figure out what it is that I keep getting wrong? What am I missing, because all that abstinence hasn't worked for me. Still I keep trying again and again, maybe this time I'll be off refined sugars for good. This time I can remain free of all of those terrible no good evil foods! Evil? Well then why were they coming up on my gratitude list?

As I sat there on my couch, eyes closed, meditating on all of the things so dear to me, cherishing them, acknowledging God's goodness in them I was surprised and for a moment felt awkwardly wrong,

Morning coffee
Ghiradelli 70% cacoa
Oatmeal cookie ice cream...

Could I write these things? Was that ok?? How can I be thankful for things that hold so much power over me? It must be wrong. I should only be thanking God for the good things..
Whoa, wait a minute...maybe these are good things...maybe sugar isn't evil??? I've thought about this a lot over the past couple of days. It wasn't until driving home from church today after a completely unrelated sermon that the clouds in my mind parted. In my search for the perfect lifestyle book, spiritual health book, diet book, I have been overlooking the ONE book which holds the real answers. Now, yes, I pray about my struggle, I submit it half-heartedly to God over and over, taking it back every time. I post scripture cards all over my house, I discuss it with friends who love me, but all the time focusing on abstinence. My goal always being to overcome. To arrive at "never", and like it there!

On my drive home today my mind seemed to linger on a very familiar word.


Self-discipline.


I quickly try to dismiss it. I have no self-discipline. It returns. I've tried over and over... There it is again. It would never work. I don't have the strength.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." (Gal 5:22-23)

Fruit of the spirit!?! No law!!!? Where have I BEEN??? I'm not supPOSED to be strong enough. I'm not supposed to figure it out. I'm just supposed to LIVE it out. Live in the spirit. BE in the spirit. ABIDE.

Oh, Lord...God, thank you.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jer 29:13)

Love
Joy
Peace

Grace

Can I thank God for God? Yes, I think I can.

Its amazing and wonderful when I learn from something I think I already know. I couldn't count how many times I've recited the fruit, written the names on pictures of grapes and apples as a Sunday school teacher and colored the apples and grapes while singing of the fruit as a child. God has chosen to reveal a need for application to my life now as if the idea were a brand new thing. I don't know exactly what self-control will look like for me. I know that against it there is no law, there doesn't need to be. I'm thankful that I am but a student, a child, learning about The Heavanly Father. I'm thankful for the wonder with which he reveals Himself to me a little at a time. I'm thankful for the Grace that covers me when I get things wrong over and over...and over... I'm thankful for the kids music that was playing in the car when the clouds parted and I thought to myself, "That's me!"

"I want to drink it up and take it with me."

Ocean breeze

I want to drink it up and take it with me

Sidewalk chalk drawings

I want to drink it up and take it with me

Little dirty feet splashing in a puddle
A boy who believes he IS a pirate
A baby's wide excited eyes at her very first taste of ice cream

I want to drink it up

and take it with me.