"Let Me Do It!"

It seems like such a strange place to start, but, I haven't yet started because I cant seem to figure out how to start. So since I am in the middle of life then the middle is my beginning...

My two year old, was born a middle child I just know it. She is wild. She is goofy. She is a lot of times extremely difficult. There are tears involved, eggshells, meltdowns and scream-athons. There are also belly laughs, tender cherished moments and the heart swelling joys of watching her transition from baby girl to big girl. (The transition can of course include scream-athons and meltdowns.)

I do not like meltdowns. I actually don't like loud noise of any quality and with three children under 5 it's a struggle for me not to "dislike" a large portion of my day. That's where the eggshells come in. I go to certain lengths to keep this shrieking child of mine somewhat happy. Let me say right here that this girl is a ray of sunshine much of the time, people love her, she loves people, she loves life! (Notice I said "much" and not "most", lest we forget...she is 2.) This kid can scream. I remember noticing when she was just a little thing, that her cry was more of a "yell". Yes, she's been yelling at me since infancy and she is LOUD. To add to my dislike of noise is my dislike of the feeling that I am not in authority over my children. Oh does my pride get the better of me so often because of this feeling! Let's hope my kids don't ever realize just how often I feel this way.

The desire to remain in authority and the desire to pacify my wild child are not exactly cooperating efforts. But just this morning I had a very satisfying experience with the two. My girl is in the "Let me do it!" phase, or more accurately put, "NOOO! Let MEEE do ITTT!!!". She's a smart kid, she really does figure things out quickly and it's exciting to see her developing skills. I do let her do most things herself when she wants to try, but I must admit its not always what I want to be doing. The best example to use is when we are in a rush to get somewhere. I really try not to be in a rush but somehow everything that could possibly hold us up seems to happen just as we are ready to go out the door. These are the times when I am least patient with attempted self buckling, zippering, buttoning etc.

What I realized this morning (and my pride is forcing me to explain that I already do this most times, I just never had much of a thought process about it) is that allowing her to do it herself, especially in situations where I am pressed for time and there is potential for a blowout, actualy keeps ME in authority, both over her and most importantly over my own emotions...(please excuse my run-on sentence while I admit that I don't usually excuse them myself). Of course when we allow our kids to try to figure things out on their own its great exercise for their growing brains and increases their confidence and independence, but it's also a great exercise for the parent! The time when I want to say "Not now, let ME do it.". Is the best time to back off. The child I'm talking about is not easily redirected and does not quickly forgive when her will is challenged.

What's likely to happen when I'm late for an appointment, my boy is heading down the stairs to the dirt pile, the baby is crying in her carseat, and Miss Independant decides that she wants to put on the one pair of shoes she cannot put on herself, herself, is a MAJOR blowout. The baby continues to cry while wild child and I proceed to enter a battle over who will get the shoes on her feet. Once she realizes I am determined to do it MYself, her determination tripples in strength. It ends up looking like this: I am on the floor trying to get her shoes on her feet, she is kicking and yelling "I DO IT!" and every time I succeed in getting a shoe on she kicks off the other. Shoes are flying across the room, hair is falling into eyes, babies are screaming, four year old boys are having way too much fun unattended on dirt piles outside and precious minutes are ticking away causing me to be even later for my appointment (my companion, pride again). After our wrestling match which may or may not have ended with shoes on feet, I am angry, she is angry, I carry both her and the baby outside because she is refusing to walk now, I see how dirty my boy is and yell at him to get in the car already, he is angry, I do everybody's buckles because now nobody gets to do anything themselves and I drive to my appointment. Angry.

That's not the mother I'm in this to be. Not her. This morning when my girl grabbed those shoes at the last minute and said "Let me do it!", my insides cringed. My fists tightened and I held my breath a minute. Said nothing, paused. Dont we just need to pause sometimes?? Don't we just need to stop and take control of our words, actions and situations? I paused, I surrendered my pride and impatience to God (after all, we had already agreed on shoes which she removed before getting the new ones, she was being disobedient right?). Ok, you do it told her, still watching the clock, still not wanting to be late. As far as she is concerned she gets to do her shoes. She is not concerned with getting "her way" at the moment, she doesn't quite get the whole concept of authority and she has no idea that I struggle with pride. As for me, I get to keep my cool, remaining under Gods authority, while subtly keeping my children under mine. We are all spared the potential meltdown. I can still be the boss around here while strategically dodging catastrophes by giving just a bit more than is natural for me.

"Mommy I need howp(help)." She said after a few minutes of struggle with the shoes I knew she could not yet do herself. I bent down to help her. "Good job!" She beamed up at me before heading out the door after her brother. I quickly scooped up my baby, keys and coffee and followed after them in an attempt to deter as much unwanted dirt pile play as possible and I herded them into the car. We were on our way with kisses and smiles, (although still a little late!) after they each fastened their own buckles, my girl exclaiming "Mommy I did it!"